The Hope Episode 23 Recap
> The Hope Recaps
During a psychological survey at Minglong, the students discussed their feelings about anxiety. Some students casually stated that they weren't anxious about the upcoming college entrance exam, mentioning alternative career paths like forming a band, playing basketball, or e-sports, or simply working for their fathers. One student emphasized converting problems into concrete goals to manage emotions. Shen Yao, however, firmly declared he was never anxious and didn't need to cope with a non-existent feeling.
He listed activities like clearing his online shopping cart and watching videos of cute animals as his ways of de-stressing. He then pointedly suggested that Sang Xia, as a psychology teacher with little presence in the school, was the one who seemed anxious and advised her to "idle" rather than waste time on a "pointless survey" that only concerned her. Lei Ming reviewed Zheng Qian's old student records.
Her file indicated she was a sophomore from Xingzhou Business School who transferred on May 18, 2008, with a strong English foundation and aspirations for a postgraduate degree at Shanghai International Studies University. It noted her introverted personality and difficulty communicating, which led to her being excluded by classmates despite her diligence. In June 2008, Lei Ming decided to intervene, crafting a special study plan for her and discreetly guiding her to ease her psychological burden.
He even helped her secure a scholarship from Zhixiang, which he personally funded. Her academic performance improved, but her feelings for him shifted beyond a student-teacher relationship. By August, Lei Ming noticed her grades slipping, her mind preoccupied, and an increase in gifts. He tried to gently redirect her, explaining that the best way to thank him was to focus on her studies and achieve her postgraduate goal. He even suggested they could be colleagues one day.
However, Zheng Qian confessed that her feelings for him were not merely that of a student for a teacher. Lei Ming reacted with anger, telling her it was a crucial sprint period for her studies and she shouldn't dwell on "impossible things." He refused another gift from her. His notes from September 2008 indicated that his explanation had backfired, leading her to send even more gifts and completely lose focus on her studies.
He then decided on a period of "silent treatment." By the end of September, her grades had begun to recover. In a later interaction, Zheng Qian made a final plea, asking for a hug, but Lei Ming refused, stating, "I can't." He then told her to forget the incident, assuring her that she was young and would move on, saying, "Farewell." Sang Xia attempted to connect with Shen Yao online, pretending to be an 18-year-old peer.
However, Shen Yao quickly saw through her disguise, noting her 8-digit QQ number, which suggested she was older, and her consistent attempts at psychological counseling. He jokingly acknowledged her "great inference." Later, in the psychological consulting room, Shen Yao asked how Sang Xia found his private account. Sang Xia explained that she regularly checked the "tree-hole box" outside her room and discovered four notes signed "Renardeau," which means "little fox" in French, allowing her to trace him online.
Shen Yao then confided a traumatic childhood memory. In primary school, after an Olympiad class, he saw classmates torturing a butterfly, cutting off its wings one by one, watching it suffer. When he intervened, he was severely beaten. Afterward, he stayed with the dying butterfly, watching ants consume its body.
Sang Xia deduced that Shen Yao saw himself as that butterfly and had been self-harming, and while he had tried to save himself, he no longer believed it was possible, feeling that if the "butterfly itself didn't want to live, how could it be saved?" Sang Xia acknowledged that thoughts of wanting to die are common and should be understood, not demonized.
Shen Yao spoke of constant fatigue and physical pain, using medication with significant side effects like weight gain and drowsiness, which further hindered his studies. He revealed these feelings began in Year 10, a time that was supposedly positive: he became the top student, his father's company prospered, and his younger brother was born.
He admitted he wasn't close to his brother and recounted his mother's words that his father viewed him as "plan A" and his brother as "plan B" for family education. He now felt more pity than hatred for his three-year-old brother, who was already burdened with singing, English, and skating lessons, knowing his life would only become more demanding and less joyful. Sang Xia advised Shen Yao to unleash his pent-up anger, contrasting his suppression with Li Ran's expressiveness.
She gave him "homework": to do things he had never done before, such as talking to his parents without discussing academics, playing with his brother, watching an unconventional movie, or even skipping a day of class to experience life as "Shen Yao who is not living up to others' expectations." She emphasized that depressed individuals often suppress their anger, fearing that revealing their true selves will cost them love.
She urged him to face his emotions frankly, suggesting activities like tearing paper, eating spicy food, squeezing ice, or petting animals to manage his feelings. Most importantly, she told him to prioritize not losing himself over the fear of losing others. Sang Xia assured Shen Yao that she had deleted his video and that her room was always open if he needed to talk. Shen Yao thanked her.
As he left, he noticed Zheng Qian's online avatar on the wall and told Sang Xia he believed it was hung upside down; the girl wasn't flying but was jumping, wanting to end her life. He urged Sang Xia to refer the person in the picture to a hospital immediately. Meanwhile, Li Ran and the others were investigating Zheng Qian's case, discovering her online alias "Desperate Sunsets," inspired by a Borges poem, on a locked blog.
They suspected Lei Ming might know the password. Sang Xia encouraged Lei Ming to consider any clues, reminding him how much his friends wanted to help. Lei Ming, initially dismissive, returned home and tried using the date he first met Zheng Qian—May 18, 2008—as the password. It unlocked the blog, revealing Zheng Qian's suicide note. In it, she addressed Lei Ming, stating that by the time he read it, she would have left the world.
She wrote that the password was the date they first met, indicating her hope that he would remember. She described her life before him as a cycle of studying, her mother, being ignored, and feigning happiness. She detailed a period of unexplained chronic pain, sleepless nights, and struggling in darkness, where she had previously contemplated suicide and even written a will, only holding on for her hardworking mother. Secret hospital visits yielded no diagnosis beyond "study pressure."
Online research led her to realize her symptoms matched depression, a concept she found confusing at the time. She didn't dare tell her mother due to the cost of medication and her mother's existing burdens, believing she wouldn't understand. She had hoped a new environment after postgraduate studies would bring relief. Even at Zhixiang, she remained in darkness, finding solace only in good grades and seeing Lei Ming. She knew he had personally funded her scholarship.
She questioned if she would have had the courage to live if society understood her illness better, if there was less stigma, if she had known sooner it was a disease and not a personal failing, and if she had received early treatment. She concluded that she didn't blame anyone, cherishing the good moments and warm people like Lei Ming in her life.
However, she had gradually lost the ability to love herself, and her only regret was her mother, whom she hoped would forgive her selfishness. Her final wish was for a hug from him, a farewell to the world. She signed off, "Farewell, Mr. Lei. See you in the next life." Devastated, Lei Ming also found the message "Mr. Lei, see you in the next life" written on her ceiling.
He imagined an alternative past where he accepted a brooch from her, telling her it was the last gift, and then agreed when she asked for a hug "like a friend." Zheng Qian's mother painfully recalled a conversation where her daughter had indirectly mentioned a classmate with "this disease."
Her mother had dismissed it as "psychosis," warning her daughter to stay away from such a person to avoid infection, and worrying about the social implications for a girl with such an illness. Now, full of regret, she wished she had looked more closely at her daughter or offered a hug. Following the public release of Zheng Qian's suicide note, the truth about the "wolfish teacher" incident came to light.
The testament revealed Lei Ming as a supportive teacher and cleared his name, ending a decade of false accusations that had derailed his career. The tragedy sparked widespread discussion on depression among young people, highlighting society's lack of understanding and the misconceptions surrounding mental health.
News reports emphasized the growing youth depression rates and criticized schools, teachers, and parents for often neglecting these issues, concluding that open discussions about suicide with young people do not increase risk but instead encourage them to seek help when needed.
